Salam all.
Recently I have just realized that I have one big problem. Yes
it’s really big. Like a pig. I have one problem with sincerity. Have you ever
felt so bad for not being sincere when you’re doing favor to your cliques,
especially when they’re very ungrateful and rude to you? Well I am literally
having that kind of gross feeling recently and the biggest problem is I can’t
even stop thinking about how can these people be so ignorant (in a way).
I have met many girls and boys who love to sell fish. I don’t
mind meeting some more. But what makes me annoyed is that those who are
ignoring my presence are of my friends (I can’t really say best friends). So
here's how it goes. I have friends, many of them. Most of the time I was unheard,
practically because I speak the least and God, I am good with that! Hihi. Then, when
some of them were having troubles, they turned to me-money, time and all of
those. But in great times, I became some kind of spare friend who sometimes doesn’t even
exist, like a ghost. And that is when I feel insincere for all that I have
done. I mean, I shouldn’t have felt that way. They are all good for crying out loud.
So what’s with sincerity? Is it some divine quality that no
man can have? Why is it so hard for us to be sincere to ungrateful, ignorant
and selfish people? Why don’t I get this kind of feeling whenever I do my best
friend Azianti a favour? Shouldn’t I have to be sincere in everything I do? Why do I even sound so pathetic in this post? HAHA.
So yeah I am still looking for the answers. Maybe God holds them. Maybe I am taking things emotionally these days. Or maybe this is just another test for me. If it is, I pray to God to gimme lotsa strength tonic because I would need dozens of them. Rabbi yassir wala tuassir.. =)
p/s: I really miss my old friends in Kota Bharu. Nobody beats high school
friends. T.T
