Tuesday, February 26, 2013


When we were in Bahasa Melayu Kerjaya class my lecturer asked each female student to come up with a number for wang hantaran (dowry) that we ought to have from our future husband. Lucky me Alhamdulillah I wasn’t the first to answer so I’ve got a few seconds to juggle some lofty numbers in my head haha.

At last I answered.

“Ikut kemampuan lelaki saya cikgu.”

Cikgu replied, “Tak, oh tak, sekarang sila ketepikan kemampuan lelaki. Kamu nak letak berapa? 10? Lebih dari 10? Atau kurang dari 10?”

Then I reluctantly said “Kurang dari sepuluh kot”.



Well clearly in Malay custom we have been raised to produce a pile of RM to spend on our wedding. The receptions’ food catering itself usually costs the bride or the bride’s family at least a ten. And with the number comes only the selected minimum guests- especially when we are dealing with some high class food services. Not to mention the fancy pelamin (the wedding stage), bilik pengantin (the wedding room), fresh lilies and reuziz, the 7 dulangs of hantaran consisting items nothing lesser than Jimmy Choo, extravagant wedding favours, talented photographers, dresses, hand bouquet, and the list goes in and on.

Seriously? Who okayed this? Haha.

So back to the topic. the concept of walimat in the eyes of Islam.

All Muslims, regardless of whatever colour, race and etc you are subscribed into- you are all encouraged to marry. Yes. This so-called puritanic religion asks us to marry a person we like (or our papa likes). Sunnah kot. So when you have the ability to marry, and clearly you’ve got a person suitable enough to be your life partner and the parent to the children you’re going to make, then, the Prophet encourages you to get married. Or in other words-nikah.

Okay, we all know that in Islam we must spread the solemnization news to people so that people know that you guys are legally married, to avoid turmoil etc. Thus, the walimah.

In Islam, the walimah is aimed to be the channel to spread the news about the nikah, and in addition to it, we feed people as an act of charity. See. The points are very clear-cut. We hold this thing to spread the happy news and to feed people.

What’s with the whole Malay thingy?
The bling-er the walimah, the better it gets? The higher the dowry the educated-er the bride?
People, are we that gullible?
Please don't get me wrong. I love my language, I love my culture. My tonic is budu kot! But, it is some aspects of this culture that allows some unislamic practices diffuse into it. Ironically right back to a famous Malay proverb kerana nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga. Gitteww! 

We need to change this mindset. Yes we really do. The status of the money spent on unnecessary things such as super cool pelamin or fancy favours need to be thrice-checked. Is it worth it? Do we really need this? Are we that financially equipped to have those things on our wedding? And on top of that, what is the REAL PURPOSE of the whole walimah?

Whatever answers you may get, please bear in mind that the Prophet prohibits us from doing any waste on earth- not in everyday, not in any special day. And, do not make money as A MAJOR BARRIER for us in getting married. If you have it little, do it cutely. If you have it big, do it as you please. Last but not least, always remember that it is not the high class wedding receptions that we aim for, the barakah in the marriage later instead claims for a better will. (quoted from future bro-in-law Deli.) After all, when those people age, none of them would remember your fabulous wedding favours pon. HAHA.


p/s: Please do not presume that we Malays love to waste. We eat the bunga telor sampai kentut whaaaaatt??

p/p/s: Kakak's wedding prep is still in progress. Whoever you might be, please make du'a for the whole thing to come out smooth and blessed. Ameen! =)


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